Please Master

Master - Why?
by Pat Craig

Please Master, I am so tired of hurting. Did you know that I only wanted you to love me and give me lot's of praise and affection? Why did you choose to yell and scream at me when I misbehaved? At times, you resorted to physical abuse. Remember, you were the one who chose to take me home. After you separated me from my mother and siblings, why did you change your mind? Wasn't I the same soft, lovable cuddly puppy? Was I wrong in expecting you to be my new family?

When I pottied in your domain, it wasn't that I was stupid, like you yelled. After all, going potty at any time or place was very natural for me. Did you really think I was just trying to displease you? I just didn't understand what you expected from me. Can you imagine how totally crushed and humiliated I felt when you shoved my face in the mess I made, then threw me outside?

How about the time you kicked me across the room, calling me a dumb, stupid mutt. I, like you, have sensitive feelings and strong emotions. How was I to know that your new boots were not toys? It was so boring, being at home all alone, with nothing to do. I only wanted something to play with and chew on. did you know that my poor body ached for days afterwards? Yet, you wondered why I cringed and whimpered at your touch.

Those cold winter nights that I stood, shivering, wiht my nose pressed against the glass, softly whimpering to come in, you just ignored me. I learned a long time ago not to bark. I still can feel you swatting me on the head, as you yelled for me to shut up. There you sat, all warm and cozy, by the fire, sipping wine and reading your favorite book. Oh, how I yearned for your companionship! Just to lay at your side, or perhaps curl up at your feet; to have you reach down and touch me every once in awhile. Couldn't you understand I needed your love and affection, just as I wanted to give you mine? Maybe you just didn't care.

Remember how you complained about my shedding, getting hair everywhere, telling me I was nothing but a stinking, grubby dog? Don't you think I would have appreciated being brushed, vaccumed and bathed? My appearance is important to my feelings of self worth, just as yours are.

Not once did you ever take me to have fun. All the times you went hiking in the mountains, I was left at home. Didn't you ever think how much I would enjoy running and exploring new things? I would have been happy if you would have just played ball with me. But no, you didn't have time for me. I felt like I was a millstone around your neck.

How would you like to spend your life alone, with no social contacts, eating and drinking out of dirty dishes? Can't you smell my bed? It should have been washed months ago.

Now look at me! Only 18 months old and condemned to die. They say I'm unpredictable, that I could be dangerous, and possibly vicious. This is not true! I'm not mean like they say. It's just that I'm so scared of being hurt again, that I react without thinking. Later, I am sorry for my actions and regret that I am no longer capable of controlling myself.

If only someone would try to understand me and help me to overcome my fears! I just need someone I can feel safe with, whom I can trust. Someone who will have confidence in me. I haven't changed inside. I'm still the same, fun loving, affectionate puppy I used to be. I need help to express these feelings once again.


Authors comments

Timber is a wolf hybrid, 25% wolf, 75% malemute. I found him in an animal shelter in Colorado, where he was captured as a stray. The shelter would not recommend the adoption of Timber because of his aggressive behavior; his only chance for survival would be if his rightful owner claimed him.

I felt a close attraction to this lost animal; I would sit near his kennel door, talking softly to him. He would snarl, show his teeth, and snap several times to let me know that he meant business. He obviously didn't realize that I don't give up easy. On the fourth visiting day, Timber cautiously approached the door, still snarling and snapping. Slowly I raised my hand to let him sniff it--he allowed me to scratch his ears.

The time drew near for Timber's execution; no one claimed him. I couldn't bear the thought of his being destroyed, so I adopted him myself. I knew my female hybrid, Tishka, would love to have his company. Timber reluctantly entered my car, cowering on the front seat. I tried to convince him that everything would be all right. Upon our arrival home, Tishka and Buck eagerly welcomed him with open paws! I planned to keep him on a temporary basis, until another home could be found. I knew that this would not be an easy task, since we are so particular about who we place hybrids with.

Timber adjusted well to our family, including Too Much, our cat. Not once did her growl to snap; even when we corrected him for doing something wrong, he was a perfect "gentel wolf." He became loving and affectionate, always greeting us with his howl and wolf kisses. He enjoys outings with Buck and Tishka; they taught him how to take the blankets from their beds in the garage and scatter them around the yard. The three of them would play for hours, chasing each other around the yard, dragging their blankets through the dirt.

Timber appeared to get along well with everyone, including our veterinarian who checked him over and gave him all of his shots. I saw no indication of his aggressive behavior returning.

Then events changes; Timber lost control. I'm not sure what happened. Apparently Tishka and Timber were having a dominance fight, resulting in an all-out battle. Timber received the worst of the wound -- whether it was pain that caused him to revert to his aggressive nature, or a flashback of some other experience, I will never know. Timber turned on my husband, Cal. It is quite unnerving to have an animal of this size become aggressive, snapping and snarling.

Two days later, Timber reacted the same, violent manner to the veterinarian, for no apparent reason. He had to be sedated before we could remove him from the examination table.

Throughout all of his violent outbursts, he still would allow me to do anything to him. He felt safe and secure with me. Does this mean that he was abused by a man? Possibly, with the exception that he snapped at the female vet assistant.

Whatever other problems Timber may have, I know that he has been both mentally and physically abused. There have been several instances where I have had something in my hand, and he would drop to the ground and whimper, as if he was afraid I would strike him with the object. He also did not know how to play with toys like my other 2 dogs did. He evidently had only bad experiences riding in cars, and only recently has he began to learn that riding in cars can be fun. For example, I take the 3 canids places where they can run loose in the hills, chasing rabbits and exploring new sights.

Two professionals have recommended the euthanasia of Timber, not only for my own protection, but for the protection of the rest of my family. I've been told I can never be sure when something will set Timber off, causing him to turn on me; I may never know how far his aggression will go.

In the writer's opinion, Timber is a wonderful affectionate, loving , well-mannered animal that has been a privilege to own.

Timbers fate is still undetermined at this time; I only know his abuse should never have happened. There will always be a special place in my heart for Timber. He knows only love and affection, and I will do everything in my power to have his remaining days be peaceful.

I wish everyone could realize that owning an animal is more than just having a "pet". It is a total commitment to the well being of one of God's creatures, so please take the responsibilty for both the physical and emotional needs of a dependant creature.

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