Wolf and Wolfdog Humor

16 Things Your Wolf-Dog Doesn't Understand
Author Unknown

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That he's not your superior
The word No!
Anything else you tell him in plain English
Why he shouldn't roll in the mud and then take a nap on your bed
Why you all suddenly leave the room when he has a wind attack
That you don't find it absolutely hilarious when, late one night, he suddenly starts staring at an empty corner of the room with teeth bared and hackles raised
Precisely what's wrong with practicing his fiercest, gruffest bark at three in the morning
That it's not funny to carry your discarded underpants into the room with him in front of guests
That the furniture is not there for his personal amusement
Why it's wrong to back Auntie Joan into a corner and guard her
Why your leg doesn't enjoy it as much as he does
That other dog's bottoms are not the most fascinating things in the world
Why your cat has as much right to sit in the lounge as he has
Why he should get into the bathtub if he doesn't want to
Why he shouldn't steal the plate off the table if he can reach it
Why he shouldn't do exactly what he wants, basically

Attack Dogs
Author Unknown

A man who wanted a dog to protect his business, visited a kennel that specialized in attack dogs. The man explained to the kennel owner that he wanted the biggest, meanest, most vicious dog in the kennel, and the owner offered to take the man on a tour of the premises.

After they had been walking for a few minutes, they came upon a large dog, snarling loudly, and biting and clawing at the cage.

"He looks like he'd be a pretty good attack dog," said the buyer.

"Well, he's not bad," replied the owner, "but I have a different one in mind for you."

They continued walking around the premises, and after a while they found an even larger, meaner dog than the first. He snarled at the two men and tried to bite them through the wire on his cage.

"Ah," said the buyer. "This must be the dog you were referring to earlier."

"Well, no." said the owner. "I have something better in mind for you."

The men continued their tour. Eventually, they came upon a large dog, panting heavily and lying quietly on his side, licking his own butt. He seemed unaware of the men's approach.

"This is the dog I had in mind for you," said the owner.

The buyer was flabbergasted. "You're joking!" he exclaimed. "This dog is tame compared to the others; he doesn't even act like an attack dog."

"I know he appears tame now," said the owner. "But you see, he just ate a lawyer, and he's trying to get the taste out of his mouth."

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